humor: the sadist and the masochist

a tale in little shop of horrors in which two men are faced with a problem. pain. i didnt write the skit, but i did the blocking and the emotional elaboration.

THE DENTIST
VERSES
Masochist





WRITTEN BY Charles B. Griffith
Arranged by John Denyer


Parts: The pain guy
Orin the dentist
Nurse
Mother
Head gear kid
Seymour




Location: dentist office, two chairs against the wall, a desk and a dentist chair with a bunch of painful dentist tools





(Screams from a kid getting drilled)

(Nurse enters)

pain guy: (he’s standing on his seat with his knee’s twitching, acting like the exact opposite of someone visiting Dr Orin, happy rather then fearful) hey does that sound mean their finished? My turn?

Nurse: sit down!
(Two people enter, one is a mother and the other is a child with head gear on gasping from pain)

Pain guy: WOO! What happened!? What did he do? Tell me everything!

Head gear kid: AHHHH AHHH (painfully points toward jaw and a pulling motion with hands)
pain guy: hmmm that’s right, (to mother) they have to do that to remove the jaw.

Head gear kid: ahh ahh! AHH! (Again even more painfully points to the inside of the head gear/ roof of mouth while screaming)

pain guy: (almost cocky) ah well consider yourself very, VERY lucky (steps back to chair while nodding to sit, right when he sits in his funky stand with feet on chair, the dentist walks in)

Orin: NEXT!

Pain guy: (stands on chair, very existed) IT’S ME! IM FROM DEARBORN!, I’M NEXT!

Orin: NURSE! (Almost annoyed, and eager to figure out what’s going on)

Nurse: (as she walks out with jacket) huh?

Orin: (curious) does uhhh that have an appointment? (When he says “that” he’s referencing to the weird attitude that the pain guy has toward the dentist but still has no idea)

(Pain guy looks at the nurse then points to Orin, then to himself the whole time having a big grin on his face)

Nurse: (annoyed) I don’t know, ask him! I’m off duty (exits)

pain guy: (jumps to orin off chair, acts like he’s in the presence of a god) ive been saving all month for this, I think i need a root canal, I’m sure I need a long …. Slow … root canal. (Very close to Orin)

(Orin looks eager almost, but still confused, but to humor him he looks in his mouth, bending to his every whim, the pain guy kneels a bit so he can get a good look)

Orin: let’s go (walks toward dental chair)

Pain guy: (existed) ohhh….. (follows Orin) I have a history of dental problems…

Orin: (quick, snappy) shut up!

Pain guy: (in awe of his reaction, he feels like he just felt the touch of god) … yes doctor.

(Pain guy skips to chair)

pain guy: (sits in chair) I went to a terrible dentist on a Wednesday, who was recommended me by …. (Chair gets raised a bit higher, getting existed) somebody who I saw on Monday…. (Bump, getting more exited) who’s the brother of a man who I usually see on Sundays, and their mother is the one who taught them everything they know. (ad lib, adjust light, fidget, try to look at Orin ect.) She’s incredibly gifted by a lot of people don’t think that she should be working (pulls out personal bib) I go to her because I am incredibly devoted to her strength. (puts bib on)

Orin: (Orin listening and getting ready to invoke a lot of pain on him, sarcastically) aww

Pain guy: she can’t really see who you are, but she knows the sound of your voice, she can’t really see, but if you tell her where it’s at, the problem (all the while putting gauss in mouth) she eventually works her way down (Orin sharpening tools) and she finds the problem and fixes it. (Dainty like, almost a pansy) I wish I had that kind of family, that’s how I wanna be, I don’t ever wanna have to just …. (Chair flings back to a laying down position)

Orin: (sadistically) comfy?

Pain guy: (child like) yes doctor.

(Orin goes to pick up all the painful tools)

Pain guy: I remember the first time I ever went to dentist and I thought gosh what a neat job, if only I was a dentist. The dentist I went to had the greatest car, he had a corvette, and I thought, my god, everyone calls him doctor but he’s not really a doctor … (Orin holds a painful tool, grins) (pain guy looking at tool in awe) oh my god (Orin taking out more painful tools, Orin and the pain guy are getting very exited) only I got out of there ok, then you know uhhh (pain guy faints a little at the sight of the tool) then they gave me a candy bar. Then I thought to myself, this is what I get a candy bar? This is what you do, you go through a little thing and you get chocolate out of it. (Exited with knees on chair) you get to work with incredible professionals (just got done setting all the tools on the bench) who get to use incredible incredibly wonderful equipment….

Orin: (interrupted the pain guy) now lets take a look at the mouth. (Whips out large painful pliers) (Pain guy gets big eyes and gasps) say ah!

Pain guy: (sings and smiles) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (ad lib. screaming, like I want candy, ohhh, yay, charge with do’s, weeeee! Oh yes your good ect.)

(Seymour enters with baseball cap and jacket and sits and pulls out gun and puts it back in pocket, looking very nervous)

(Takes pliers out of pain guys mouth in shock)

Pain guy: AHHH, OHHH! You are something special! Come on, come on, yes! (More ad lib) (With a new tool, Orin opens pain guy’s mouth) THANK YOU, THANK YOU! OHHHH! (Orin grabs new tool) DON’T STOP, OHH YES! (Orin goes for the tongue) (Jokingly moving tongue side to side while Orin goes after it with pliers) what do you want? Huh? I’m over here now! He he he (Orin gets the tongue and pulls him up by it, getting furious, he drops him to the seat) he he he he!

(Seymour getting curious on what’s happening)

(Pain guy still screaming)

Pain guy: (“BIIIIIIZZZZZ” goes the drill that Orin is about to use) OH YES! I’ GUNNA GET A CANDY BAR! I’ GUNNA GET A CANDY BAR!

(Orin mounting pain guy while wielding the drill)

(Pain guy screaming and clapping and begging for more)

(Orin drilling Pain guy and making the most determined face to cause pain)

(Seymour getting more nervous by the second)

(now a pleasuring scream from the pain guy, filled with moans and oh yes’s, while Orin is getting pissed off, finnaly done, the pain guy screams oh yes, woah. All moans are filled with pleasure)

Orin: (cold, mean, hurt) GET OUT ….

Pain guy: (confused) what’s wrong?

Orin: GET OUT OF HERE …

Pain guy: (spits gauss out, some hit Orin, most on pain guy’s face) what’s a’ matter? (Pain guy sits up; Orin puts drill away and backs up) (Orin glares at pain guy)

Orin: (Orin pushes pain guy out of the door) you heard me, get out of here now! (Leads right to the door) right this way!

Pain guy: I’m gunna tell all my friends about you and their gunna hear about you….

Orin: JUST GET… (Pushes pain guy but feels something, grabs tool out of his suit pocket) what’s this???!!!

Pain guy: (smiles) OOPS! (Laughs) sorry! (Slam door, pain guy exits)

Orin: (looks at tool) SICKO!